An Exploration of Sacred Parenting and Education

Mother Love of the Sufis

In parenting, Spirit, heart & soul on January 21, 2012 at 7:05 pm

The first lesson that love teaches us is: “I am not, thou art.” The baby demands constant care and awareness and is indeed the little “king” or “queen” of the household. The mother loses self in serving her child.

Successful care-taking builds and strengthens a mother’s self image and her confidence in her own intuitions. As long as the mother nurses her baby she fills the link of oneness of heart, mind, and body. Weaning, therefore, takes place when the mother is ready emotionally for the separation. She places her child before herself or her own needs, nursing at times that fill the infant’s needs even though her own desires may have to be postponed. When there is a second or third child the mother’s love must expand to give that special one to one time to each child, building each one’s self image by stressing the need of each for the other and her love for all. When the second or third child is prepared and included in the care of the new baby, jealousy and aggression toward younger siblings does not develop.One mother tells us of how her son called himself the knight king of his new baby sister, helping and protecting her in many ways. Including the first child in the birthing room and sharing with him or her body closeness in bed with the mother and the new baby helps to assure the first child that his mother’s love is all inclusive and plentiful as the Light within her heart. “When the mother discovers God within herself by diving deeply into herself, she touches the unity of her whole being and her love is unlimited.”2

Mother love manifests in stages. It begins by recognition of the very special and indi­vidual pattern of each child’s soul. The mother invites friendship and understanding. She loves the baby’s body, its purity, light and utter dependency. The mother’s love is like a river running pure and progressing onward as she relives the developmental stages of infancy with her child. Is there any joy like the first vision of the baby’s smile, his or her first toothy grin, his or her first steps, or the first time we are addressed as “mumum?” As the training of her own mothering experiences progresses, mother love becomes Divine love, capable of including all children, understanding their frustrations, partaking of their joys in attaining independence from their mother-love guides. She protects, understands, perfects, expands, and includes all children within her heart. This process begins within her immediate family, expands into the community family, and finally realizes itself in the family of God. No power in the world is stronger than mother love.

Patterning takes place as the child’s care-taker introduces and reinforces times for rest and play, eating and potty training or diaper changes, crying and fuss times, qroup play and enjoying his/her own company. Patterning develops behavioral habits that parents set as their goals for the child. A good schedule of activities, which reflects activity and repose, builds happy, busy toddlers. Whenever the infant is kept in an infant seat or back-pack for a period of time, that period should be followed by a like amount of time to play on the floor freely moving about. The need for learning to be alone, to enjoy one’s own company, is learned in the first year. The stove or dishwasher packing cases, when given a mouse hole to crawl inside, make lovely places for a young child to enjoy his/her own company with a construct toy. A blanket or pad on the floor in a corner of the sleeping room will work with the younger infant. Active times can be moments of being carried in a backpack, swinging in a canvas swing, or using a walker.

Before one comes to the real conception of God,

the first thing is to build Him/Her in One’s heart.”

~ Hazrat Inayat Khan Vol. VII   218

The caretaker builds love into his/her heart, falling in love with the purity and utter dependency of the infant. Holding the infant next to one’s heart, patting from one end of the spine to the other with open palm method can soothe and comfort an edgy child. Sending the glance of love from yourheart to the heart of the child through the eyes builds the pure love of God through “the innocence of the child.” Rocking an ailing or cranky child while singing nursery rhymes or humming, pacifies and transmits the caretaker’s love and builds the child’s security. Lying down with a sick child wrapped in a blanket and held close to the heart is very comforting to a sick and restless child. The blanket enables the care taker to extricate herself/himself without disturbing the sleeping infant. A chamomile herb tea blend given warm in a bottle sweetened to taste with barley malt gives rest to both mother and child on sleepless nights. Heart love can also flow to the infant through the rays of our finger-tips and the repetition of chants or wasifas3 to the glory of God

Being a Loving Mother to the Second and Third Child

The growth of the family demands that the mother stretch the capacities of her heart. She must learn to divide her mothering love. Giving eye contact and full attention, eye to eye, heart to heart, soul to soul, is the real work of the mother, not the mundane tasks she performs. Being entirely interested in the child’s emotional need even when you’re interrupted in your work happens often.

The father image is important at bedtime. Take turns reading to the two youngest: this is one way of managing three children. An older child may read to his parents. The choice of a song when the night light goes on is a happy ritual. ­To sit on the bed and sing the song to the child, who is keyed up, holding his/her hands or stroking the head consoles and bonds.

First Goal of Sufi Mothers4

The Sufi mother has the first duty to see that her doctors support her in the bonding of her child to herself in the first 40 minutes after birth. This means bare skin to bare skin over her heart with eyes meeting and alone, following clean-up.

The Sufi mother keeps her infant within the closest environment of her home for the first 40 days, discouraging visitors generally and getting her intimate family adjusted to its new member. The Sufi mother during this time gets her new act together, concentrating on learning the spirit of her child and the quality of the soul manifesting through the human personality. The mother’s diet and emotional security when guided and encouraged will soon have the nursing pattern well established.

The Sufi mother realizes that attitudes are the most important thing to keep clear. Each mother has to learn her care-taking methods by experience with her own child. Awareness of the vibrations with which she surrounds the infant is most important in the early weeks after birth.

Rest, relaxation, and creative outlets make mothering a joy rather than a duty. Communicating her new goals and objectives to the new father is important, too. A close friend or a spiritual guide can help keep these lines of communication open and growing. The Sufi mother takes responsibility for her new relationship to the father of her child, holding the unity of the family together.

Going out into nature with her baby while avoiding large public gatherings is wise. Within nature the new mother can renew her energy field and introduce her child to light, shadow,and brilliant color.

Sufi mothers implant their ideals and philosophy by reflection, mental mirroring, and consistent patterns of care-taking. Respecting and upholding infant’s rights are her important duties also. The right to light, warmth, rest and regular intake of nourishment, bathing, massage, patting the spine, and regularity of sleeping patterns together with the security blanket of love patterns the new infant for emotional security and early learning experience.

ETHERIC BODY MASSAGE

for the mother (or mother image) and her infant 

The physical body of the infant is never touched during this massage of the energy body except at the heart and lightly on the crown chakra and the big toes. The hands make circular motions. When going upwards the circular motions are like the movement of the breast-stroke in swimming. When going downwards the circular motions are reversed.

The mother might first wash her hands with cold water and table salt. Then rub the arms from shoulder to finger tips to strengthen magnetism. Do this until you feel a tingling in the finger-tips or until the palm and wrist temperature are equal. Another method you can use is rubbing the side of your thumb in your palm, the right thumb in your left palm or the left thumb in your right palm, alternating both thumbs until heat is felt.

The mother first places her fingers, “pointer” and “middle-finger,” over the heart of the child, and here recites the Invocation: “Toward the One, the perfection of Love, Harmony, & Beauty, the only Being united with all the illuminated souls who form the embodiment of the Master, the Spirit of Guidance.”5

Then moving the hands in circular motions (small circles) from the heart upwards to the child’s head, move up to the sides of the head, get well around the ears and glands, then move up to the crown center and touch lightly.

Reverse the circular motions and go back to the inner eye, go around the eyes, nose, nostrils, out to the ears, behind the ears, under the ears and then back to the throat center and shoulders. Work down the arms towards the finger tips.

Work across all joints, because they are very important energy centers.

Then reverse your motions going back to the center of the chest (chest bone), heart area (do not stop to work at the solar plexus). Move quickly to navel and pubic area and down both legs at once and do not forget to work across all joints. After the knees go down to the ankle bones, then to the toes, then very lightly pinch the big toes.

Reverse the circular motions going upwards and stop at the heart center. Here, repeat again the Invocation to bring the massage to completion.

1 ~These offerings by Murshida Vera Corda were first published in “Rustle of Wings,” a newsletter for the Sufi Seed Schools of the Sufi Order of the West, 197 . Excerpted from Women of Sufism, A Hidden Treasure by Camille Adams Helminski.

2 Hazrat Inayat Khan Vol. X-p.80.

3 A wasifa is a name of God that is recited regularly as a chant of remembrance and contemplation. Ie. Ya Wadud, O Loving One.

4 Exerpts from “First Guru, Second Guru,” by Vera J. Corda 

5 An invocational prayer taught by Hazrat Inayat Khan.

“1977. Reprinted by permission of the Murshida Vera Corda Foundation.” . . .Excerpted from Women of Sufism, A Hidden Treasure by Camille Adams Helminski.

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  1. I love u mom..

  2. Love u so much m0m.. Also missing ur smile

  3. I Love you mom
    You are great

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