An Exploration of Sacred Parenting and Education

Conflict Resolution: The Lover’s Way

In Relationships on February 8, 2012 at 8:54 pm

There has been a good response to the ‘charter of compassion’ post. Things seem to take off organically here on this blog so lets see what arises. In the meantime, here is something I’m experimenting with for transforming relationships:

It is said the only thing we’re responsible for our own actions and behavour. What the other does is their business. As Byron Katie say’s “I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. (For me, the word God means “reality.” Reality is God, because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your control and everyone else’s control — I call that God’s business.)Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business.”

So may be the first step in conflict resolution or trying to build healthier relationships is to make sure one first has a level of mastery over their inner territory and outer actions. For this, I’m experimenting with a game. Here are the rules:

Break the rules and drop your I

Along with all your weapons

Throw your shield away too

And become

In the midst of battle


The game involves sitting infront of somebody who pushes your buttons. Become like a watchman or women over your inner realms, like a cat watching a mouse hole attentively to see what arises. In such a situation, neither attack nor resort to defensiveness when provoked. If you are to say anything, take the Prophetic advice of speaking only good or keeping quite. The game is to see if they can push your buttons. So far I’ve found it quite fun. It sorts of awakens my mind out of its conditioned responses and fine tunes my state of consciousness. How can you offend somebody, if there isn’t anybody there to be offended? I once played this game with a disruptive class (without them knowing of course) and it transformed the dynamics of the classroom. Needless to say you can try it with children if they push your buttons easily. You may want to pick a time slot or situation when it is likely to happen.  The key thing to remember is that it’s a game and relies on the element of playfulness you bring to the situation! enjoy 😉

  1. “Become like a watchman or woman over your inner realms…” To shift our focus from the ‘other’ and look into ourselves to observe our responses. I’m going to take this to heart.

    The Prophet’s advice of saying only good or keeping quiet. How many times have ugly threats or sighs of exasperation come out from our mouths? I need to keep a lid on it.

    My personal challenge is keep it playful rather than become a stick-in-the-mud. Especially when I’m in a hurry to get to something else. Not fun! Maybe if I make it into a game I would enjoy it more.

    To become a ‘we’ in the midst of battle. That is the ultimate aim, is it not? It takes real maturity, I think to be able to keep ourselves in check and at the same time to have and show gentleness and compassion for the other.

    Thank you for posting this.

  2. Greetings,

    Thank you for this post. I’ve been reading on your blog recently. I’m glad that it came into my world recently.

    I like this post. You’re sharing something practical which can bring more peace into the world.

    All good wishes,


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